The Human Condition

by Austin Taft

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about

A momentary focus on the acoustic sound.

"His lyrics are weighty, full of dichotomy and metaphors that aren't always easy to understand. What is clear is his heart is in this work."

- John Molseed, Pulse (from a review of "The Human Condition")

credits

released January 1, 2015

This album was written, performed, produced and recorded by Austin Taft.
Sleeve layout and design by Austin Taft and Aaron Listen.
Illustrations by Aaron Listen.

All songs recorded at The Reactor.
All songs (C)Austin Taft.
Published by Timewave Music Publishing (ASCAP).

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Wandering Souls
WANDERING SOULS:
So here we are -- two wandering souls
On the precipice of the most important day of our life

I didn't know you wanted out
Looking for the great escape and finding it

Happiness is a long ways away from a thing called love
But you can't convince me that we couldn't be somewhere sort of close
When you run away, can I wait for you somehow?
Can I wait for you now?

So what about me? My life is in pieces
I'm left to discover the rest of my journey alone

When I'm without you, I don't feel right
But I'm trying to cope
I'm trying to move on
I'm trying to hold on

But happiness is a long ways away from a thing called love
And I remember you and the way that I felt when I held you in my arms
Don't run away; can I wait for you somehow?
Can I wait for you now?

Happiness is a long ways away from a thing called love
And I feel ashamed that I can't look away from your etchings in my heart
When you ran away, I thought I could wait for you somehow
But the wait is wearing me down
I'm still waiting for you now
Track Name: Moving Day
MOVING DAY:
Hey!
It's not been long since I've departed, and I'm right back where I started
Is this home where the heart is?
For whatever the reason, my balance is uneven
And I'm thinking I should try something new
Season after season, it seems like I've been beaten
But I know that I can get this
So I've got some of my plan mapped out
Not too much, but enough for now
And I've found a place to pick myself back up

And everything I own is in a great big box
Alongside some smaller boxes loaded in a van
My prideful soul is open, if only for a moment
'Cause my whole world has exploded, and I don't know where I am

Where will I end up?
It's such a disconnection when I'm changing my direction
But I'm so excited now
There's nothing like new surroundings to ground me

It's moving day
Moving day
And changes are underway
It's moving day
Moving day
We're chasing our dreams

I can't wait
I can't wait much longer
What's "home" anyway?

Searching for answers moving backwards with my head in the rafters will lead me to disaster
My hope is just around the corner if I keep moving forward and breaking down the borders
But my fears, they keep on running; my fears, they keep on running into each other
There's peace within a motto, and the promise of tomorrow fills my heart with wonder

It's moving day
Moving day
And changes are underway
It's moving day
Moving day
We're chasing our dreams
Track Name: A Different Kind
A DIFFERENT KIND:
Living in fear of decisions that might be made irrationally
I cannot focus on the larger canvas in front of me
This shit is fucking with me, and I need to move on
Everything needs to change

I need to reclaim my soul to be happy
To be myself, to find a way to be myself again
To be allowed to be myself again
A different kind of life

Unable to decide, it hurts my pride to be so weak
I cannot push myself toward the larger purpose in front of me
I need to let it out, and now more than ever, it's time to release the chains
Everything needs to change

I need to reclaim my life to be happy
To be myself, to find a way to be myself again
To be allowed to be myself again
A different kind of soul

Weighing the pros and cons
The potential for greatness and disaster
All I ever wanted was to be in peace

And to be honest, I want to trust, I do
But in seeking a sense of respite
There is nothing predestined
And I'll wipe this memory from the slate of my spirit
And with this weight lifted, I will ascertain my reason to be

I'll find a way to be myself again
I'll be allowed to be myself again
And I will be myself again
Track Name: The Letters of Utrecht
THE LETTERS OF UTRECHT:
I will not be here always; it is of no concern, for it is your turn
We'll take our language to the streets to begin thinking in the long term
A corrosion of love is infesting our home, but time can be a guide now
And message evolves as we are involved
To know where we have been, to see where we will go

We find ourselves wanting and questioning just how to fit these pieces together
We wonder and wonder and welcome expression stretched through generations
And it is no measure of success to leave a world without your mark
So, godspeed, you people, the message is yours
We'll watch from the stars as consciousness slowly unfolds

Cross the sea of reason and hatred, disbelief and sparse empathy
And everything we ever loved waves goodbye
As we lead ourselves downward to ruin, but understanding this heart
This magical moment
Right now

I'm here with you right now

The lamp gives you shade for the letters divided through careful speech and tongue
As nations decline, an advancing, refined communication will rise
Nothing is perfect, but what we create and have now is here and it's ours
And nothing can take that away from us -- not fate or fear or men or god or time

Cross the sea of brothers and province and discourse and sparse empathy
And we find in our hearts that we've foolishly wagered our souls
But we are trying our best, and that's all we can do
All anyone can ever ask of us, all they could ask of you
And we will try
We will

I'm here with you right now
Track Name: Daydream
DAYDREAM:
Going through the motions in my every day-to-day
Searching for atonement in my own peculiar way
There's always a hurdle, a barrier to break through

Some folks can remember more, and some remember less
And life's a grand adventure on the quest for happiness
I took it to the road last night to try and lighten my head

I was driving down I-55 and Don Williams was playing
And I thought of you, I thought of you, I thought of you
Lost inside a melody of timelessness and memories and trust

The stars up in the sky are just like polka dots to me
The satellites take pictures of their bright intensity
And if there's a heaven up there, I'd swear it has familiarity

Sittin' on the porch last night, the neighbor's dog was barking
And I thought of you, I thought of you, I thought of you
I want to say this carefully, and I hope that you can understand me now

I think you know the way I feel about you
'Cause everyone has seen it in my smile
I have higher self esteem locked inside my daydream
But I'll try, and the chance is worthwhile
And I've known you for a long, long time
And I've wondered how long I will be alone
But now I find it's something I always knew
And it's about time to say, "I love you"

Many are the nights in which I've laid in bed awake
Hoping I can fall asleep so I can see your face
And in the day, it's quite the same, my thoughts are far away
I think it's 'cause I feel safest in my space

It's hard to be rejected when your feelings aren't reflected in what you say
And sometimes my intentions are really just extensions of my fears

But every day contains a moment when I'm not too focused
And I think of you, I really do, I think of you
I need to say this carefully, and I hope you don't misunderstand me now

I think you know the way I feel about you
'Cause everyone has seen it in my smile
I have higher self esteem locked inside my daydream
But I'll try, and the chance is worthwhile
And I've known you for a long, long time
And I've wondered how long I will be alone
But now I find it's something I always knew
And it's about time to say, "I love you"
Track Name: Rose
ROSE:
Glass stains the sheets my mistress wore
Let down your lavender gown and let me see where I should be until morning

Please stay with me
I won't be lost
Let down your goldenrod hair
And show me that you know me and you want to stay
It's all so simple
Yes, I know you know you want to stay

Find where my rose has gone
Find where my rose has gone

This cannot fade
This eternal dream
I don't want to see the sun shine through my window
'Cause I know you know you want to stay
It's all so simple
Yes, I know you know you want to stay

Find where my rose has gone
Find where my rose has gone

Find where my rose has gone
Find where my rose has gone
Track Name: Ultimatum
ULTIMATUM:
It's hard to explain how I feel now
My chest is a little bit tight
The more you don't say, the harder it is to breathe

It seems we've come full circle
A sense of déjà vu
I don't like the way this feels at all

An ultimatum unintentionally disguised

I find it hard to fathom and harder to imagine
How all can lead to nothing in an instant

Do you realize your defenses?
To be in the natural
To be in a safe place, to take refuge where the harm is minimal

I thought I was stronger than this
I thought I was stronger than this

My words replaced with silent emotion
My cares are now insensible
The more I think, the harder it is to breathe

I hate to disappoint you
And I don't want to run away
But there is one thing and only one that has never betrayed me

I thought I was stronger than this
I thought I was stronger than this
I thought I was stronger than this
I thought I was stronger than this
Track Name: Nothing Is Real
NOTHING IS REAL:
My tears are crying as they're pouring out my eyes

With life suspended, I can't be afraid to try
I watch my chances -- one by one, they pass me by
And I know where I stand, and I know how I feel
But deep inside I know somehow that none of this is real

And I know how I feel

My feelings come and take me from this bed inside my home
Take me to a place where I can live and die alone

And I know how I feel -- I'm feeling unprepared
I'm not sure if I'll make it -- why am I so scared?
I'm told that god is with me, but I know he's not there
The light shines through and now my eyes are blinded by the glare on my soul

My tears are crying as they're pouring out my eyes

I feel so insecure; I'm feeling so unsafe
I'm feeling so uncomfortable; I'm feeling so afraid
I hate and love and cry so loud
Make it go away

My tears are crying as they're pouring out my eyes

Deep in my soul I feel like there's nothing left for me to be
Here there is no madness; it's the calm before the storm
Sheltered from the world, I'm a bitter, old man that you cannot see

You can run along faster, but I swear I'll catch up to you
You can try to run and hide, but I swear I'll find you now

'Cause nothing here is real
Track Name: Superheroes
SUPERHEROES:
Is it my imagination
Or is there some kind of code
Some kind of force
Every obstacle that's superimposed
I can break it down

Is it my imagination
Or is there some kind of love
Some kind of pulse
I can feel the blood that runs through me
I can hear the tune that hums through me
It's like I'm in a tale
Almost too much to believe
Every minute in a chapter well beyond the scope of dreams
From episode to episode
The potential is exposed
And with my friends beside me
I do not feel alone

We are superheroes
The universe waves hello
We are superheroes
And all creation has its gold
Our stories are magic and love and pain and science and spirit
And everything is within our reach when we try
We are superheroes in our own right

There is no more hiding now
We've come out from the shade
It's laughter and light
And I love a happy ending

We are superheroes
The universe waves hello
We are superheroes
And all creation has its gold
Our stories are magic and love and pain and science and spirit
And everything is within our reach when we try
We are superheroes in our own right

We are superheroes filled with pride
Superheroes that can provide
Superheroes in our own right

We are superheroes in our own right
Track Name: Portrait In My Head
PORTRAIT IN MY HEAD:
I hear the changing winds
I feel them blowing on my face
But I do not fear change at all
I want nothing more than to move on with my life
But some bridges are standing tall

This should kill me; it cannot fulfill me
For what is a life without peace?
How I envy the man who walks free
Who isn't tied down by memories

When I close my eyes, I cannot escape the portrait in my head
When I close my eyes, I cannot escape the portrait in my head

I will pay any price to escape
This shame in my mind
This pain in my mind
I live each day knowing it waits for me at night
And they say a picture lasts a lifetime

This should kill me; it cannot fulfill me
For what is a life without peace?
How I envy the man who walks free
Who isn't tied down or bound by memories

When I close my eyes, I cannot escape the portrait in my head
When I close my eyes, I cannot escape the portrait in my head

If a picture says a thousand words...
...then I am a thousand times cursed
Track Name: The Empty Scan
THE EMPTY SCAN:
Her puffy eyes have been crying again
From the truth on an empty scan
That she's felt since the bleeding began
In her mind, she knows she's a failure

The memories persevere through falling tears
And there's nothing that can make it stop hurting
How can you grieve? How can you breathe,
When you never even get to say goodbye?

And the doctor said, "This is perfectly normal"
And she said, "I don't give a fuck how normal it is"
And she feels so hollow and so much pain
And now she is 1 in 4

She'll carry a burden if not a baby
At least not for now
But will she carry the burden alone?
She told no one she was expecting
How can she tell someone that she has miscarried?
Track Name: Shoulder
SHOULDER:
Shedding time is our discovery
Chasing crowns in the shinelight leaves the world crossing over me
Asleep, we remain the dignified
We steal to feel

Oh, the carelessness of life
So carefree
How I love to see the sea and the sky
The sky of a brand new day
And how I love to hear the cries of a newborn baby child
How I love to smell the blossoming flowers of spring
How I love to touch the gleaming petals upon them
How I love to taste what cannot be replaced
What I love so much -- it cannot be taken away
Please don't take it away

A shoulder for my head
I need a shoulder
I need a shoulder for me to rest my head on

Oh, the wings of life
Floating, flying by
Soaring with the winds to begin a new life reborn
For this one lies tattered and torn, wounded and worn
I see the sea and the sky
I hear a newborn baby's cries
I smell the blossoming flowers of spring
I touch the gleaming petals upon them
I taste what cannot be replaced
What I love so much -- it cannot be taken away
Please don't
Please don't take it away, away...
Track Name: Sun
SUN:
A spectrum of light descends from the heavens
The rays pierce through the clouds
And peace finds me in my easy chair
Safely on the ground

And I think you are falling up
Gliding toward the sun

The shattered wings of an eagle reflect the water
Such a quiet and peaceful day
The silence is perfect, and I can feel it in my bones
So as the Lord is with me, I'll never be alone

And I think you are falling up
Gliding toward the sun
And I think you are falling up
Gliding toward the sun

And I can only travel so many miles
Before I start to circle around
And I can only fly so high
Before I start to fall back down again

And I think you are falling up
Gliding toward the sun
And I think you are falling up
Gliding toward the sun

And I can only travel so many miles
Before I start to circle around
And I can only fly so high
Before I start to fall back down again

And I think you are falling up
Gliding toward the sun
Track Name: Lucky Stars
LUCKY STARS:
Mother, mother, I thank my lucky stars
There's so much goodness in such a short time
Mother, mother, I thank my lucky stars
There's so much goodness in such a short time

Mother, mother, I thank my lucky stars
There's so much goodness in such a short time
Mother, mother, I thank my lucky stars
There's so much goodness in such a short time

I am awash with receptivity
For we have emerged from the other side
Alert to these new sensations
This gift we have been given is cleansed and purified
Observing the implicit self
A web of truth has been spun and will be preserved
I am captivated by our promise
And there is still so much left to be done

The stars are out
The lucky stars are smiling down
This is not a dream
We are here

If we can get to the heart of our anger
And keeping mindful, coax it to bloom
And if we can get to the heart of emotion
Get to each one, get into you
Then we can get to the heart of the moment
And live out each one from here to the moon
I am mindful; I am here now
And hate will not consume me

We cradle, we hold and we transform each form of energy
And grateful, we know that only we can set us free

Mother, mother, I thank my lucky stars
There's so much goodness in such a short time
Mother, mother, I thank my lucky stars
There's so much goodness in such a short time